Around 1:30 pm today, I’m on the corner of Federal Highway and Oakland Park Blvd leaving my bank after depositing a check into one of my accounts. It’s hot out, the sun is shinning bright through my sunglasses. The a/c is blasting in my work truck and I have music booming as I roll to a stop at the light. As my head and hands are bobbing while Im taking everything in observing my surroundings, enjoying the experience of being present in the moment I eventually observe a man walking in between a row of cars a couple of yards in front of me. “Is that guy begging for money? He looks completely capable of working. Wait. Is he holding a sign too?” I tilt my head to get a better view as he is walking closer to my truck. “The frickin guy is begging for money. No capable man in America should be begging for money. He’s clearly not using any money he receives to get himself together.” I’m staring him down shaking my head. My eyes focus on his clean, white, paper, cardboard sign. In decent handwriting that was done with some sort of black marker
the sign appropriately reads, “Why lie… its for beer. (smiley face)”. LMAO. Our eyes connect while I’m laughing, we both smile at each other, I give him a masculine head nod signifying, “I feel you brother and respect your hustle”. In return he removes his right hand from holding his brutally honest, humorous, simple yet, jolting sign then makes a fist, beats the left side of his chest over his heart one time then respectfully points directly to me as he is now right in front of the driver side of my truck. I instantly feel compelled to rummage through my change in my cup holder in order to help him out. I catch green in the corner of my eye. I lift my head and see the cars in front of me a couple of yards ahead of me making their turns heading west on Oakland Park, “Shoot I have to go. Wait.” I scan around me. “Where is the guy?” He was already several cars behind me. I turn my head to the front of the road ahead of me while my foot quickly presses the gas in order to catch up with the cars in the turning lane. Lol. “The guy didn’t even wait for me to give him some money. Hmm.” As I’m heading West on Oakland I instinctively start processing the experience. “I genuinely felt happily compelled to give money for beer to a completely capable man I don’t know. Why? I’m not a big fan of people who appear capable of finding work yet are begging for money. What was different about this experience?” I had my answer by the time I stopped at the next red light. “His honesty compelled me. This man totally owned his desires and wasn’t begging. He was simply asking without using guilt as a means to persuade. He wasn’t concerned how his asking was received by others. In fact, he actually was connecting if you were open to receive it. SHIT! Who wouldn’t want to have someone buy them a beer right now on this beautiful day instead of having to work for the money right now and miss the day. The man walked with a cool, humorous and confident demeanor. He was aligned with HIMSELF. He didn’t care if he was aligned with the rest of us working, or with the other beggars asking for money because they are, “hungry” while they have a pack of cigarettes and a McDonald’s bag at their feet.” My mind began making a variety of connections to my past experiences with this current one and I knew I needed to blog about this.
Intent. The awareness, acceptance and communication of one’s intent is what kept buzzing in my head as all my connections of past experiences of certain relationships whizzed through my consciousness. The guy on the street was completely honest, accepting and communicated his intentions. I can expound on the subject of intent at great length which I have decided to leave for another blog or two. Lol. This particular blog is about my intentions of this site.
(Draft updated 8/9/11) I feel the need to clarify my intentions because, a week ago, my site was leaked to a group of people on Facebook who grossly mistook my intentions here interpreting this site as a means for me to put down and obsess over my ex-girlfriend. I refuse to have my work belittled. I don’t care about how I’m viewed as a person but, I do care how visitors to my site receive the things I share. I started this site with the number one intention of self expression to help me gain clarity of self. My secondary intent was to hopefully help anyone who felt like they could relate to my experiences. My intentions are not to bash my exes that I speak of, or to gush over a particular person or object of affection. This site is about ME. My emotions, thoughts, inner workings. My expression and examination of myself.
I want to end this post with a piece from a Gmail chat conversation I had with a friend which shows in action just what I intend my site to do. I get to express and clarify myself which in turn helps those who read my thoughts and feelings to gain insight into themselves.
Image via CrunchBase
The Rabbit Hole 